Willow Wind

i am the lingering voices of the past.
i am the gentle caress that softens the present.
i am the breath that wispers through the future.
i am Willow Wind.

so sad...

(because I know you are most likely stalking me here as well...)

today you wrote to me
under guise of peace
i stated my position
i guess you weren't ready
to finally hear me..
so like you to lash out when
you hear something
you don't want to hear..
somethings never change
sorry to have to
call you out
but you left me no choice
yes, i am an extraordinary woman
but you don't know what
makes me extraordinary
it's so much more than superficial
my strength
my intuition
my wisdom
my fierceness
my audacity
my integrity
you don't know these things
how could you?
you never saw these things before
why would you now?
tonight, i take pity on you
you who are so blinded
you who are so clearly insane
you who are so deaf
you, so lost...
you who have validated all i know
time for me to move on
there is no room for you here
time for you to move on as well
for you are not welcome

aftermath

heart on the floor
severed and pulpy
still beating
but for what

eyes turned crystal
liquid wrung out
still searching
but for what

mouth left agap
coarse and dry
still speaking
but for what

close mouth
look away
retrieve heart

turn inward
carry on

for what

dejection

fully bled and consumed

fingers suspended
so much white
scowling back
desiring to flow
coveting to express
affixed at the thought

scattered and shattered
forlorn and solitary
throughly petrified
blinded by discomposure

welcome the sensation
lessons surround
if you can heed
it's only transient
as all things are

anguish in its innumerable forms
torment and torture
naught but reverberation
over and again
life's malicious games

find the introduction
in the conclusion
paradox in the parable
nothing unfamiliar
nothing antiquated

dissociation

a withered balloon at the end of a tattered string...
deflated and empty on the ground
once floating along in the warm sun
high above the chaos
watching the view from aloft
impervious to the damage and pain below
danger and threat
cold and tethered
but how the winds and sun failed it
steered it directly into a tree
a tree of infinite branches and age
a tree that lovingly pricked the flesh
tested the pressure pushing from within
caused the inevitable
explosion
the bang that triggered the beginning
the rapid decent into the mess
forced down to honesty and humility
dependant on rare and kind hands
to put it back together
it will never fly quite as high
a leak will always remain

SORB

i saw it first thing yesterday morning.. mere hours after hearing about your release.. first time i've seen your eyes in over six years.. it could be me, but they looked empty.. yet i still wonder what you could possibly have to say for yourself now.. i hope at this point you have realized that any chance you had to have a happy normal life is gone.. it flew out the window 13 years ago.. i hope that you can make peace with that, because i have.. And my life has taken flight.. please know that nothing about you holds any power over me anymore.. you are simply a thing of my past that i will keep an eye on.. so good luck, i hope you make good use of your undeserved second chance.. and may god help you if you hurt anyone else..

quarter til two

the moon must be close to fullness
not sure what side we're on
waxing, waning
doesn't matter
result is the same
i'm wide awake while the world sleeps
covered in a thick blanket
crusted with ice
dormant and cold
seemingly life-less
and here i sit
unable to escape my own head
tormented by racing thoughts
urges for production
a restless-ness with being still
wanting to sleep
wanting to start fresh tomorrow
how to slow the gears
put thoughts at ease
remember the day is over
a new one merely waits for me
threatening to arrive unanounced
should i not close my eyes
slip into a sound slumber
must find the right concoction
to shut off the machine...

within musings

scattered in radiance
churning
lost at sea
in oblivion
flailing
reaching and grasping
silks sliding through my fingers
surrounded in beauty
racing in circles
yearning clairity
panicking paralyze
reclaim production
get through the block

3 am

(one from last year's archives..)


can't sleep.
started to
sudden thunder roused me
he's asleep at my side
i'm wide awake

he dreams, i ponder
intrigue
curiosity
apprehension
lightning outside my window

wondering
wandering through
aimless thought

rain stopped
flashes dimmed
low growls fading
all is quiet now

still awake
mind churning
fits of inspiration
rioting not to let go

rest is near
drifting, drifting
dreams teasing
consuming consciousness

pain, familiar

i’d forgotten what this feels like..

this emptiness, this ache..

it’s haunting me, ever making fun of me..

I hardly know you but I have felt you for

ever in a place i’ve never known..

i can’t shake this, can’t let it go..

a piece of me feels missing..

my heart’s been fractured..

a break of tiny cracks

spider-webbing throughout…

i wanted a space for us

a time for us

i don’t want to let you go

but

i’d rather watch you fly…

revolution

screw my head back on

it’s rolling there in the corner

seems the seams have split this time

growth is rude for that

can a body house two spirits without

some devastation in the universe

i only just met her before

i carefully tucked her away

yet here she is

a screaming adolescent

intent on experiencing life

defining self

the mother chides her

tells her keep quiet

her time will come

revolt is tempting

yet she must share the

mother’s house

always

biding her law

eves built to last til the end of time

errors and all

and the mother wants to let go

let the girl run

experience

live

breathe

love

it just can’t be like that

not yet

something needs integration

after discovery of what that is

how did she fall for him despite herself

all this time

that question’s still unanswered

knowing her by the most intimate of ways

it still doesn’t make sense

the opposites never last

bright flashes that fizzle out

but not this one

how could i ever want to walk away from my beacon

but the parallel side has been left out

neglected

ignored at the realistic front

until now

and all i want is to run to her

whisk her off

to know all of her

every inch of flesh on her beautiful frame

unleash the side capable of loving her

a way she deserves

a way she’s never seen

i suck at this game

wanting to push forward

terrified of tripping the alarm

wanting more

wanting my nerves to stay intact

when she’s near…

they still unravel

i melt beneath

watch her movements

listen to her talk

hypnotized

enchanted

intrigued

all the while, lost

yet aware of the belated transformation..

waiting…..

for sleep to consume me..

for the drugs to kick in..

for the warm comfort of numbness..

for pain to drain from my pores..

for some hint of normalcy..

for a chance to grieve..

for my life to lift me up..

for rhythm..

for progress..

for the other shoe to fall..

for the end..

for hope..

for tomorrow and forever..

for love to conquer all..

for my brain to slow down..

for a chance to breathe..

for some solace..

for peace..

for her..

for always…

journal..

a new year before my feet. possibilities abound. and the sun shines today with a smile..
I feel ready to take it all on, to rise above and thrive. I want to get out in the world and live. Breathe. Experience. Love. Run. Drink. Absorb. Blend. But where to start? what to do? Anywhere. Anything. here we go.......