the tidal wave has finally crashed the shores. i couldn’t see it, only feel it. but, now it is here and has left devastation
in its wake. i knew i was provoking an
intense shift. i knew how big this could
be. perhaps i was still trying to deny
the true magnitude of how much i was flipping everything right side up. i’ve managed to completely disassemble every
last remaining piece of structure in my life.
nothing is as it was. i sit now
in a foreign place and don’t know how to feel.
thoughts and emotions are fleeting at best. the words “brand new beginning” are haphazardly
tossed around these days. the concept of
endings bringing new beginnings is mulled over in times of more prevalent pain. i seem to just be numb to it all. i glance around and am sure i see a different
landscape than those around me. there is
beauty, yet there is much barren. there
are small comforts sprinkled around being filtered by harsh slaps of reality. waves lapping the beach look as though they
could caress my soul to smile, but the sky always seems to look like a painting
hung over head trying to censor the mood.
this numbness has me caught in a whirlwind. i feel like i’m constantly looking for an
escape route, though i have no idea to where.
this was my escape plan. this was
my way out of turmoil and tragedy. my
heart is bruising at the flesh and hardening at the core. i search for some small glimpse of clarity,
but it seems that the more i search, the more lost i become.
