soul harmony

All the pieces finally have a place
it all makes such perfect sense
the dreams, the readings
i've finally found the part that i knew was
missing all along
i thought i'd never find him
but here he is
in such unexpected form
sweeping me right off my feet
forever into his arms
i didn't know this feeling could happen
i didn't know it was real
but i see the Universe in his eyes
when he looks at me
all the illogical suddenly makes sense
in the most poetic of ways

unexpected perfection

he placed a single seed in my hand, closed my fingers around it, kissed my wrist and let it all sync in...
it rooted in my veins going directly to my heart without hesitation or limitation..
all the while, he kissed my fingers, one at a time, inviting each to reopen and reveal the emerging life in my palm..
the entity that flowed from the grain external my body was vivid, unadulterated light..
the amorphous body of energy amplified as his kisses advanced gallantly up my arm..
when he enduringly reaches my lips, the aurora overtook us in a brilliant blaze so magnificent that it seduced time to stand still and take a bow..
perfection....

wildfire

alone in an arena

naked and vulnerable

exposed

calmly surveying

blazes abounding

surrounding

encasing

not a single escape

which flame will advance?

who will hold my demise?

from the depths

of my humility

i beg for wings

with no reprieve

i submit

to accept

to know

the war cannot be won

battles must be

still fought.

the untitled one...

Heavy barely begins to feel the way my heart aches.  The burdens of life have buried it under heaps of confusion and chaos.  Moments of clarity occasionally peak through just long enough to be identified before darting back behind the curtains and into the lingering crowds.  Poignant task lists are formulated with confidence and purpose just to be torn to shreds at the first attempt at carry-through.  The word ‘defeat’ dances in the flames of it all, toying with the senses and teasing the intention.  There are times when it all just feels like a runaway train.  There are times when it feels as though any goal is too far from reach.  There are times when I truly question my grip on reality or if everyone struggles to keep from drowning as I do.  I hate this wall.  I violently hate this consuming emotion that leaves me wanting to shed tears that refuse to fall.  My angst for my crippled emotional capacity grows at an exponential rate.  It is all so fleeting.  I know none of this will last, yet it seems to have such a choke-hold on my soul when it moves in.  I know it will leave, but I cannot seem to shake it on my own; I am prisoner to it until it decides to lay down quiet and await that perfect moment to take me down again.  Until it vacates, all I can do is await the return of peaceful thoughts and determined perseverance.  I know it’s all still there, it’s just being held ransom while this bullshit stays screaming in my face void of words.  What I would give to learn to cry…

in the wake...

the tidal wave has finally crashed the shores.  i couldn’t see it, only feel it.  but, now it is here and has left devastation
in its wake.  i knew i was provoking an
intense shift.  i knew how big this could
be.  perhaps i was still trying to deny
the true magnitude of how much i was flipping everything right side up.  i’ve managed to completely disassemble every
last remaining piece of structure in my life. 
nothing is as it was.  i sit now
in a foreign place and don’t know how to feel. 
thoughts and emotions are fleeting at best.  the words “brand new beginning” are haphazardly
tossed around these days.  the concept of
endings bringing new beginnings is mulled over in times of more prevalent pain.  i seem to just be numb to it all.  i glance around and am sure i see a different
landscape than those around me.  there is
beauty, yet there is much barren.  there
are small comforts sprinkled around being filtered by harsh slaps of reality.  waves lapping the beach look as though they
could caress my soul to smile, but the sky always seems to look like a painting
hung over head trying to censor the mood. 
this numbness has me caught in a whirlwind.  i feel like i’m constantly looking for an
escape route, though i have no idea to where. 
this was my escape plan.  this was
my way out of turmoil and tragedy.  my
heart is bruising at the flesh and hardening at the core.  i search for some small glimpse of clarity,
but it seems that the more i search, the more lost i become. 

crossroads

at an intersection of time and space;
one path and several others

adventure awaits
no other way to describe this
mere basics are guaranteed
the rest uncertain, unknown

this is a turning point
that part is obvious
this is a test on faith, will, and love;
everyone involved will prevail or fail

my emotions; confusing
i assumed, at first
it was pure anxiety
but clever sadness snuck up on me
grieving for a life to be left behind
ushered out by eager anticipation
for the start i've waited for all my life
anxiety is calmed, yet i still wake

the one thing i feel i lack is fear
shouldn't i be afraid to be here?
at the very least, nervous?
it is a feeling no where to be found
as if it never existed
what does this say about me?
especially when i don't sleep...

anticipation and checklists..

we're nearly there now..
my new favorite holiday..
i've fallen in love with being a part of it..
being so close, each second of sleep lost
cannot be replaced on the other end
yet, wide awake i am..
going over the sequence of events
the checklists, the inventories
the last minute to-do lists
can't do any of it now
but i can't sleep either
it's to be expected
and really it doesn't matter
this is how i am and i can embrace that
less sleep, more caffeine, more drive
more success, more pleasure, more sleep
it will all be worth it in the end