reminder.....

at times, i feel i need to muster up whatever strength and tricks i have still buried so that i may step back into the role of super hero. a jolting shift starts the roller coaster which only seems to gain momentum. there doesn't seem to be any slowing and there is no stop in sight. something needs to give before the tracks can no longer hold the car. how i hang on, i don't know. yet everyone seems to cling to me to save them. and just when i feel as though i may be able to get every one thru the whole ordeal safely, reminders jump up and take turns punching me in the face until i'm bruised and bloody. insomnia has come into swing. joints are swelling; pinching nerves. muscles are cramping and spasming. brain seems to be functioning less and less; trying like hell to shut down. i want to give up, to run away, to admit defeat. i want to cry and vent it all out, but that just won't come. despite the weight and pressure of it all, what i want the most is simply to be able to sleep.

grounding...

(written 10/06/11)

today i stumbled across a sliver of time for myself. tempted to run around and find someone to talk to or something to do, i chose to claim my few moments of time alone. my life has been such a whirlwind that i've forgotten how to just sit and be. how to take a small amount of time and let everything go. today i chose to do just that. i live deliberately without regrets. every action, every thought, every emotion, is a choice and i must not forget the importance of that. so now i sit, atop a crystaline boulder in the middle of the woods, letting it all just flow. the gentle whisper of the wind calms me though i can still slightly hear the reminder of reality in the distance. as crazy as things may become, as uncertain, and as terrifying, i must not lose myself. it took far too much to claim myself and become the woman i want to be. everything i want is within my reach, i simply need to stand up and grab hold. how many times have i said that this will be my year? that simple declaration has proven true and therefor i cannot falter now. this is my time, my moment, my destiny, all that my tiresome road has been leading me to. the stone beneath me channels my energy. the wind carries away my doubts and sooths my soul. today, this was the right choice.

blind

you've always been there
i've just been blind
perhaps weak
reason doesn't matter
the clouds have parted
the sun has shown the path
and there you were
still waiting...
undying patience and forgiveness
for what i'll never understand
i've never felt fear like this
yet i cannot turn back
it's not even an option for me
no future is certain now
my life has always been an adventure
a living movie from start to present
seems like the appropriate next scene
my blindness has shifted
it's in its proper place now

<3<3<3

(another delayed posting...)

spinning in the sun rays of my mind..
i close my eyes..
i can feel the warmth on my skin..
i'm transported to another world..
a world where you await me..
no judgement..
pure love and radiance..
i open my eyes..
nothing changes..
this world is unfamiliar..
i've never traversed this form of footing..
it's worth the risk..
my final assessment..
we'll see if i can pull it off...
her thoughts of me are so strong i can already feel cracks in my heart beginning to mend themselves..

inspired

(delayed posting....)

late night
brain's kicked on
she fills my thoughts
my desires
now i go to meet her
somewhere far from here
a place only we know
where limits are lost
and hearts collide